I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
