she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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