I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
