So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
