Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize