I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
