Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
