It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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