I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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