the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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