fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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