In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
