3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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