kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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