were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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