I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
