If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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