I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
