READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
