you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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