stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
