you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
