apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
