I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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