Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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