I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
