dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
