Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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