Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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