Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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