dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
