tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
