Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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