i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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