It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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