I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
