I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
