I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
