I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
