Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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