i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
