the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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