Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
