i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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