1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
