My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
