Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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