Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
