Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
