i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
