you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
