considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am one with the molecules
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize