Sponge bath it is.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
