you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
