He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize