So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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