I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
