I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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