i barfeds in our rink
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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