i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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