when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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