wanna go halves on a baby?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
