he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
