These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
