He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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