i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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