So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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