I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
