Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
