I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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