If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize