I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
