So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
