Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
