She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
