i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
