A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
