mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize