I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
