weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
