is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
