Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
