In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
