All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
